In my 20’s I began to work through my trauma having grown up in an abusive home while studying medicine. It took a decade to get to a point where I felt remotely close to at peace.
Along the way, my wife noticed the difference; she could see the sparks of healing come about as I worked through some of the horrors.
One day, enjoying a glass of wine after work, she began to ask me some questions about what I’d been working through, and gathered some meaningful insight into the man I’d become -
In a calm and meek sort of way, she said “It’s funny - I think the things you love the most in this world are the very things that are required to be the parents you never had. You love to teach, you love to make people feel valuable, validated, heard, loved, wanted; you love you help people help themselves.”
That was 9 years ago. We had our second, a little girl, in October.
Healing, for me, was the realization that the deepest love, the deepest impact, the deepest lessons I could give would be to that of my own blood and bone.
My wife was dead right.
We have good days and bad days, but on my worst days, I hold them a little extra close; I hug them a little longer; I apologize if I’m wrong, and the best part is, the next day they’re still elated to greet you.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I’m honored that I could hear your side and perspective on everything.
I think one big part of healing is allowing yourself to see things from a different perspective than you might’ve always seen it from and it seems like you’ve done a lot of meaningful healing ❤️🩹.
Thank you for sharing this story. There’s so many essential layers to being a ‘great parent’. Just like you’ve emphasized, we’re all perfectly imperfect and that’s okay! What matters is the effort we put into being our healthiest selves and the commitment we have to create the most emotionally safe environments for our loved ones. ♥️
I never wanted kids.
I told my wife I never wanted kids.
In my 20’s I began to work through my trauma having grown up in an abusive home while studying medicine. It took a decade to get to a point where I felt remotely close to at peace.
Along the way, my wife noticed the difference; she could see the sparks of healing come about as I worked through some of the horrors.
One day, enjoying a glass of wine after work, she began to ask me some questions about what I’d been working through, and gathered some meaningful insight into the man I’d become -
In a calm and meek sort of way, she said “It’s funny - I think the things you love the most in this world are the very things that are required to be the parents you never had. You love to teach, you love to make people feel valuable, validated, heard, loved, wanted; you love you help people help themselves.”
That was 9 years ago. We had our second, a little girl, in October.
Healing, for me, was the realization that the deepest love, the deepest impact, the deepest lessons I could give would be to that of my own blood and bone.
My wife was dead right.
We have good days and bad days, but on my worst days, I hold them a little extra close; I hug them a little longer; I apologize if I’m wrong, and the best part is, the next day they’re still elated to greet you.
Best wishes in your own journey and experiences ~
JR
Thank you for sharing your experience! I’m honored that I could hear your side and perspective on everything.
I think one big part of healing is allowing yourself to see things from a different perspective than you might’ve always seen it from and it seems like you’ve done a lot of meaningful healing ❤️🩹.
Best wishes to you too!
This is soo well thought out. I wanted to continue reading on and on
Ahhhh this means so much! Thank you 🙏🏾
Beautifully written, Bryce. So much that it made me read the whole long piece :)
Thank you for this comment! You’re appreciated 🙂❤️
Thank you for sharing this story. There’s so many essential layers to being a ‘great parent’. Just like you’ve emphasized, we’re all perfectly imperfect and that’s okay! What matters is the effort we put into being our healthiest selves and the commitment we have to create the most emotionally safe environments for our loved ones. ♥️
I agree 100%. Nobody’s perfect but you can always choose to show up for yourself and loved ones in the healthiest and safest ways possible