Finding Your WHY: 5 Steps to Reconnect with Your True Purpose
A major theme I’ve seen in my creativity in the past year is that the WHY behind what I create has changed.
Years ago, I was just getting out of a relationship and I used making online content as a way of processing what I went through—it was creative expression to release my thoughts and use this as a way to organize them.
Now here I am, years later, and the thing that inspired my creativity no longer resonates with me. Ultimately, this led to intense burnout and a sense of loss in my creative identity. I was trying so hard to cling to this past version of myself when in reality it was nowhere to be found.
So here’s the thing:
Creativity can’t be contained. Evolution is inevitable. So when you try to cling to old identities, instead of letting yourself evolve, you’ll quickly find out that you don’t resonate with your old WHY.
Lucky for you, everything I’m about to share isn’t limited to creativity. If you’re having a hard time finding your WHY or you feel like your old WHY doesn’t resonate with you anymore, this is the post for you.
Here are 5 steps to find your WHY:
Grieve who you were
As human beings, we’re very dynamic. This means that throughout our lives, we’ll shift and become different versions of ourselves as we grow older. We’ll meet new people and have different experiences that will shape how we view the world and how we choose to act within it.
Here’s a hard truth that you’ll have to accept:
It doesn’t matter how attached you are to the current version of yourself or even a past version of yourself. Once time has passed, you’re never meant to go back to who you used to be!
When we experience something good, we tend to try and cling to the good times. We reminisce and wish that things could go back to how they used to be when we were happier, when life was easier, or when we didn’t know any better and could get away with ignorance without having to deal with the consequences.
I think back to the beginning of my creative journey online, where I was driven by curiosity and expression of what I was feeling at the time. I was just getting out of the most unhealthy relationship of my life and I was using my creativity as a way to alchemize what I felt and turn it into something that would aid in my healing. Even though people were seeing my content and finding value in it, I was making what I needed at the time. My pain and heartbreak were the fuel for my creativity.
Until it wasn’t anymore…
The thing that was driving me was running on fumes and the only option I was left with was to take a step back and readjust (as I’m writing this, it’s been about a year now since I decided to take that initial shift). The beginning of this shift came with a lot of grief. The consistent, breakup-focused, emotionally driven creativity, was no more. I had to come to terms that my WHY for creating had to change. I had to allow myself the space to feel the loss of who I was so I could shift into who I was becoming.
The Mountain
I think the best way to describe this would be to quote a speech from Lauryn Hill, where she was on a Q&A with students back in the early 2000s. She came to a point where she started talking about mountains and mentioned how a lot of people use the metaphors of peaks and valleys, where the peaks represent the good times in our lives and the valleys represent the bad times. She went on to say how she thinks that it would be more accurate to describe the peaks as mastership and the valleys, as learning.
When she dropped her debut album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, it was a massive success. Still to this day, it’s ranked as one of the best albums of all time. On Apple, it’s ranked #1 and it’s ranked #10 according to Rolling Stone.
In the speech, she mentioned how immediately after going on tour, her record label was pressuring her to get back in the studio and come up with her next album, ensuring her that her time was only limited.
She said, “The only reason why The Miseducation was the album that it was, was because it was a myriad of experiences that took place before the production part. Before the creation.”
She didn’t want to create her next album because the first one was a mosaic of the years and years of experiences and life transitions she went through—from growing up in New Jersey, the birth of her son, heartache, and her faith in God. She felt she couldn't make her next album because she didn’t experience enough life in between projects. How could she make something immediately when her last project took a lifetime? Through her experiences, she was able to live at the top of a mountain. She was a master of her craft.
We all have this inner desire to climb to the top of the mountains in our lives. We all have things that we dream of achieving. And it’s not until we get to the top of these mountains—or mastery as she would call it— that we start looking above and beyond into the next peak to climb… But what we don’t realize is that in order to get to the next peak, we need to hike back down the first.
Identify your fears and limitations
This is where a lot of people get stuck in their lives. We find something that works, we climb these mountains until we get to the peak, and we realize that the way back down is a lot steeper than we thought. So out of fear, we stay. We convince ourselves that we’re comfortable where we are. We allow our egos to build identity in our successes and attach themselves to provide a safety net.
But the safety net is an illusion. You don’t realize it at first but the net you’re relying on has holes in it, and the longer you choose to stay, the more parts of yourself will slowly start to slip through the net until there's nothing left that you recognize. Evolution is inevitable.
So what are the limitations that are currently holding you back on your journey? I know that you know what your limitations are. Give them a name and write them down if you need to. What is it that without this obstacle, you’ll be able to climb down this mountain and move to the next one?
(Chances are, if you’re naming something that’s outside of yourself, you’re most likely not looking deep enough).
Reassess your values and passions
This is the part of the journey where you finally decide that the top of the peak that you’ve been holding onto so tightly doesn’t align with who you are anymore. You’re shedding old beliefs and finding new perspectives to take with you on this new leg of the journey. This is the step when you start hiking down the mountain and make your way toward the valley—or as Lauryn would call it, learning.
As you start your journey down from the peak, this is where the real reflection begins. The valley isn’t just a place of discomfort—it’s where you get clarity about what’s truly important to you. When you’re at the valley, you might find that the values and passions that helped you climb the previous mountain no longer serve you. This is the time to reassess: What do you care about now? What new passions do you want to explore? What have you outgrown? How will you choose to get there? What will you choose to/not to accept?
It’s in this chapter that we have to allow ourselves to experience life. In order to progress and evolve, and make something meaningful, we need new experiences to shape us into who we’re becoming. Our new experiences will mold us and encourage new perspectives, and in turn, will remove any masks that we might’ve picked up to climb our previous feats. This will bring you clarity for when you finally start your next climb.
By accepting this phase, you allow yourself to evolve and gain new tools for the climb ahead. Every valley is a chance to rediscover your foundation. Every valley is where you set the roadmaps. Instead of fearing it, trust that this journey will equip you with everything you need to ascend again.
Release control and give yourself permission
One of the hardest parts of this journey is letting go of control. After mastering one mountain, it’s easy to want to control how the next climb will go. But mastery of the previous peak doesn’t guarantee mastery of the next. You have to be willing to trust yourself and the process, even when you’re uncertain. Releasing control means embracing the unknown, knowing that the climb to the next peak will require new skills and perspectives.
It’s all a never-ending cycle. We’ll continue to repeat this process throughout our lives as we keep evolving into newer versions of ourselves. Exploring one peak will eventually lead to exploring the next. We’re all meant to be masters of multiple things throughout our lifetimes—shifting and molding ourselves as we jump from one season to the next.
Life is a long and tedious journey. You’re bound to get stuck or lose your way every now and then. What’s important is that you show yourself grace along the way. You’re worth more than the limitations that you hold yourself to and you’re worth more than staying in spaces that no longer serve you. After all, evolution is inevitable.